New legislation to ban Baseball and Hot Dogs in America.

New legislation to ban Baseball and Hot Dogs in America.

In two new bills being introduced into the Senate by Harry Reid (D-NV), and Edward Kennedy (D-MA) the legislation's would put a stop to all sales of hot dogs in the United States and also make the playing of Baseball in any minor or major league unlawful if passed.

When the two Senators were asked their reasoning behind this new and shocking baseball ban they explained that major and minor league baseball doesn't seem to lobby them with special interest groups. Henceforth,they could not gain monetary or political gain . Based on those conclusions the two Senators feel that the sport is no longer in the best interest of the American people.

Furthermore, stated Reid, since we are now looking at a new and massive influx of Mexican legals soon to be topping 50 million, it wouldn't be respectful to our newest guests to continue the game. Our hispanic amigo's prefer Soccer and we should of course digress to their preference for Soccer instead of baseball. According to Congressman Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) a new Soccer Interest concession called "SOCME" (Soccer Oversight Comittee for Mexicans) has just stepped up and pledged $500,000 dollars to both Reid and Kennedy's campaign in the coming months. This should secure the passage of the bill.

While the Baseball ban is on the fast track to the floor for committee, the Hot Dog legislation has been shelved until next week while Senators await further response from the meat packers unions. Upon initial talks, the meat packers union could not come up with necessary funds required by the Reid and Kennedy camps as well as some key others. Said Senator Reid, any contribution less than $700,000 is not acceptable to his office and therefore not in the best interests of the American people.

Senator Kennedy responded further that since we are now looking at a new and massive influx of Mexican legals soon to be topping 75 million, it wouldn't be respectful to our newest citizens to continue with the frankfurters. Our hispanic friends prefer Taco's and Burrito's and we should of course digress to their preference for their traditional Mexican tastes. BUT, Kennedy also stated that this position may change depending on any monetary contributions that may be offered by Hormel, Swift and Oscar Mayer in the next few days.

Please stay tuned for updates on this and many more bills that will be introduced in the Senate soon.
Note: This message is fictitional albeit typical of the legislative hypocracy before us.

Thanks for your time,
Russ Adams
Atlanta GA.